I’m not doing it.

The deadline for applying to St. Thomas sailed by.  I hadn’t had a chance to get the materials to my references, et cetera, because I got sick with Norovirus.  (I won’t elaborate.  You don’t want the details — trust me.)

So I set my sights on getting ready to apply to Acadia — and promptly got the flu.  Again — stuck in the house (this time with no voice)  for several days.  And I began to wonder if the Universe was trying to tell me something.

So I took a look deep inside and asked, “Do you really want to work as a teacher?”

And after a while, a little voice replied, “Not anymore.”

And I felt relieved.  No leaving my husband to go study.  No massive student loan again.  No worrying about getting a teaching job to pay off that massive student loan, especially since I know a number of fine new teachers who haven’t been able to get a contract in several years of trying.

It was like I gave myself permission to finally put that to rest.  I suddenly realized that my childhood dream of being a teacher wasn’t dead, but that it had already been fulfilled.  I was a substitute teacher for ten years, and while some substitutes are just paper-pushers, I was given opportunities to teach and I actually taught.  And I made a difference in a number of kids’ lives.  That was the dream, and I did it.  I was a teacher.  I may teach again — crafts, or creative writing, or maybe even develop a travelling space show for schools — but I have absolutely no desire to be a classroom teacher anymore.

So I got thinking, and I remembered how excited I’d felt when I applied for a library assistant’s position at the university last fall — and how devastated I’d been when I didn’t even get an interview.  I’ve always loved libraries, from the time I stamped and shelved books at the circulation desk in my junior high school.  I even worked at Acadia’s library when I was there doing my BA all those years ago.  I love to read and I love to write, and books have been among my best friends and journeys. I would love to work in a library again.

Armed with this epiphany, I started poking around on the net to see what I could find and there it was: the Library & Information Technology program through the Nova Scotia Community College.  I would be able to do it online, so no leaving Hubby.  The tuition and fees are also significantly lower than doing a B Ed, so no massive student loan hanging over my head (just a little one).

Although the university library would be my dream placement of course, there are plenty of other libraries and archives where I could work as a library technician.  Even the local hospital has a library.  I could even work in the public school system, come to think of it.

Applying for the B Ed didn’t feel right.  This does.

I’ll keep you posted.